Shooting BLANKS

Back to blog-o-world after a long time, guess I ve crossed the blogger’s lull.

This post is for guys to read(not strictly..), We guys just love to text or msg or SMS right, its fun, its easy, we get that precious time to think before replying which we don’t get in an actual conversation. Im talking about real msging (read long SMS based conversation to a person of the opposite sex), not the SMS that we send that reads “Good Morning. Have a nice day J” or “I reached.. where the hell are you dude..”.

While texting had its own shares of advantages (which im planning to cover in another post), I wanted to cover the important aspect of this not-so-well-mastered art or msging. It is called blanks. Blanks are not messages that guys send to gals when they want to start a conversation, ‘damn these touch fones, I must ve sent that by mstke,..,. so wat u dng??’. Blanks are the deadly messages with minimal characters sent by gals to guys; which forces them into submission, and makes them do the unthinkable, ‘to end the conversation’.

Blanks are just one word replies which the guys try very very hard to understand. The one word is usuall followed by a series of dots, the more the number of dots, the more powerful the blank, coz it shows the degree of frustration they had. Here I list the top 5 deadliest blanks used in the history of messaging.

5. Ya..

This may sound like the nod of approval but it is not even close. It actually says ‘Ya u r a jerk y don u stop botherin me..’ If it actually an approval of something it should be followed by a lengthy acceptance like ‘Ya.. Rohit is totally into Pooja’, if its just Ya.. its nothing but a lengthy “YAaa……wwwn” to your msgs.

4. K..

This is another blank in the guise of a positive acknowledgement (short for for okay) but it became so common that it is rarely misunderstood. It jus expands to ‘K…ill me for msgn you’ or the other person jus feels like ‘K….ickin ur b***’

3. Oh..

This blank makes us feel like the other person is sympathetic or even empathetic, but that’s not the case friends, it means they are not listening, they din even read your previous message. There is a good chance that they sent that message before they received yours.

2. Then..

The ‘Then…’ is like a slow poison, it forces us to come up with new topics to discuss which we will eventually run out of and later forces us into submission. It never works for the first time as we will be full of energy and we dodge it, but a barrage of such blanks will be too much for any master.

The coveted first place goes to…..

…….

…

..

.

.

1. Hmmm..

What the hell?? This is not even a word, this is just a sound. This is the deadliest of all blanks. No they are not singing, they are jus giving out a sigh, not a sigh of relief (that will come after we end the conversation), it’s a sigh of disgust, the one we give to annoying beggars. It’s the knock-out of all blanks. The only reply a guy could give here is ‘Oh.. guess u r bsy.. cya l8r’.

Then there are those ‘combi-blanks’ which are even more dangerous:

Hmmm… Ya…

K.. Then..

Oh.,.. Ya..

Hmmm.. K..

Oh.. K..

So guys,, suit up its time to dodge those blanks.

Movies.. Murder.. Madurai..

For the past three years I ve been living in a wonderful city called 'Madurai'. It is the city where almost all Tamil 'mass' movies are based. A city which has inspired a new genre of movies, 'the 3M' (Murder, Mayhem, Madurai) movies.

Now, there are so many 3M movies coming up that the creators are running out of movie titles. So they ve started naming their movies based on well known places in Madurai Subramaniyapuram, Goripalayam are examples. Madurai is full of such localities that would inspire any film-maker to name their movies after. Here are some possible titles for future 3M movies. 

Simmakkal:

This area is situated in the heart of the city, famous for hard-core non vegetarian hotels like Konar Kadai etc., So the movie based on this area should have the hero working or hanging out in Konar kadai. He may fall in love with the owner’s (read local goon with big mustache) daughter and kill a lot of people before winning her love.

Andalpuram: (I live here… J J)

This area is situated close to Subramaniyapuram. The name of this area has a religious ring to it so the movie should be religion based. The classic God vs Evil story. A young girl, who is highly devoted to Goddess Andal should be tortured by her stepmom/mother in law. With the help of the Goddess herself, the girl should defeat all her detractors.

JaiHindpuram:

Im not kidding, there is really an area in Madurai called ‘Jai Hind’puram. Obviously, the movie based on this area should be a patriotic one. Ideally vijayakanth should be cast. The movie should have dialogues like ‘Dei.. na jaihindpurathu aalu da.. desa bakthi na poranthula irunthey enakulla oori pochu da’

Alagappan Nagar/Vasantha Nagar:

This is a highly residential area, so the movie based on this should be a family subject. As with all Madurai movies, violence may follow suit, but it should start as a family movie. An entire family, who once lived happily, is killed by a bad guy. A young boy survives who later grows up and kills the bad guy.

Mattuthavani:

This is the major Madurai bus-stand. So, the story should be based on the power-struggle between two Madurai goons and an innocent bus-driver who gets caught. He soon loses his innocence and kills the two others. There will be a police officer who does not arrest him because the guy he killed were ‘poisons to the society’.

PonMeni:

This area is a very small area in Madurai. It literally means ‘skin of gold’, so the movie based on this should be a skin flick or as local would call it, a ‘gilugilupaana padam’.

Other areas in Madurai which has huge potentials to be movie titles:

Tallakulam

Arapalayam

Therkuvasal

‘Harvey’patti

Palanganatham

Pasumalai

By the looks of it, I think there are lots of 3M movies coming our way.

Writing exams... :( :(

EXAMS.....
Everybody has seen it and i'm sure everybody hates it.. but it  is the only thing common to all students… It has no partiality among the students. Irrespective of race, creed, caste, sex, color etc., etc., exams treat you the same, but the exam is not treated the same by all students; each has his style of taking exams which fall into some broad categories.

The Perfect

            This guy is so perfect in taking the exams that the word perfect itself seems flawed. He carries loads of pens in all colors, rulers of different sizes, pencil, ink blotter and all that stuff. He plans his exams well in advance [30 min for short answers, 1 hr for brief answers and 1.5 hrs for detailed answers] and tries to stick by it. He stops studying 1 hr before the exams and is usually the first person to enter into the hall. The bad thing is, he doesn’t have a plan B and mostly end up not finishing their exams coz they spent too much time planning and too few time actually writing the exam.

The Mess

            For this guy, writing an exam is like wrestling with a pig; he becomes a total mess by the end of it. His hair becomes a mess, his shirt becomes untidy, even his shoe laces untie themselves. He burns the same amount of calories Lance Armstrong burned during his last Tour de France. It is still a mystery how this guy makes a ball pen to leak ink all over his hands and even the answer paper. He has to be dragged into the exam hall as he will be studying till the last minute. This guy may finish the exam but will have to do lot of cleaning up later.

The Cool

            For this guy exam day is just another day, he is so cool about it. The reason for all the coolness is either has everything or nothing prepared. He just brings one pen to the exam hall and does not bring his books. He competes with ‘the perfect’ guy on ‘who-enters-the-exam-hall-first’ game but wins the ‘who-finishes-the-exam-first’ game hands down. He hardly breaks a sweat during the exams, if one can listen closely, he could hear him whistling during the exam.

The Closed

            This guy has only 3 things in his mind during the exams, the pen, the paper, the subject. He doesn’t even let the hall superintend to sign his papers. It is very very tough to borrow a pen or a pencil from him. He will seem much tensed during the exams and one could see his talking to himself. He motivates himself a lot. It is common to see this guy pumping his fist and saying “YES!!!” if the question paper has a question that he knows well, at the same time will go to the extent of crying if the question paper is tough.

The Devout

      This guy shifts all the burden of exam writing to God. One could confuse this guy with Nityananda on the exam day. The temples run out of vibuthi, santhanam and kungumam when he writes the exam. The first thing he does after receiving the question paper is look up the sky and pray. Some pray with their eyes closed. The time he spends on praying in the exam hall will be inversely proportional to the time he spent studying the previous day. He might even bring some pictures of his lucky God to the exam hall, but it is always a rarity to see him pray after the exam.

       I know into which category i fall.. I'm not gonna disclose... ;) :)

JUDO life - My first comic strip

Hi Everyone... After years of doodling, i ve decided to go to next level - Cartoon strips. Take a look. :):)

For full size pictures.. visit my album http://picasaweb.google.co.in/ashwingr8/JudoLife#

My Name is Karthik (MNIK)

Hello everybody, my name is Karthik. I am the preferred character to portray the romantic protagonist in most Tamil movies. The slow paced mushy movies preferably directed by Mani Ratnam, Gautam Menon etc.

I was played by a variety of actors; the most notable of them are Mohan, Karthik, Madhavan and Surya. In all movies I am 23 to 27 years old but may be portrayed by an older actor. I don’t work as mostly I have a rich dad. Even if my dad is poor I don’t go for work. I usually spend time smoking, ogling, boozing with friends. My dad hates me and always says that he couldn’t believe how he could have a son like me. 

I have a brother who is just like my dad, successful and boring. My mom loves me a lot and gives me all my pocket-money. I may have a young sister sometimes, who is very supportive. My brother's wife is like a mother to me. All my nephew/nieces love me a lot.

I am very cute and definitely not manly. I represent the metro sexual. I don’t like to have a mustache but I don’t shave clean either. With great effort I maintain the 4-days-since-shaved look.  I always wear contemporary clothing. I own a bike, which  I treat like a friend. It helps me a lot in love. All the girls would just fall for me, but I will fall for only one girl even if she is uglier than many of her friends.

I have a few close friends (Charlie, Vivek, Santhanam) who help me out in all troubles. They are more scared of m dad than I am. In spite of that, they help me out in my love endeavors. I fall in love at first sight mostly with a girl whose family status is not up to my father’s expectations. Almost every time, the girl initially hates me then falls for me head over heels in spite of the fact that i'm jobless.


The biggest challenge in my life is to convince the parents and marry the girl i love. This is more challenging than getting a job and settling down, but somehow the parents get convinced if I get a job. 

I dance to only romantic numbers in foreign locations. The dabbanguthu, ghana never suits me. I rarely fight with bad guys, may be once or twice in the movie, mostly to either impress or protect the girl i love. The girl gets impressed even if i lose the fight, provided my mouth bleeds and she has a duppata to wipe it off.

Whatever i do i win in love and get a job and hug the heroine in the climax.

What if Superman was a software engineer??????

I don know why I can’t stop writing about superman. I was thinking ( I dunno why…)  how super man would look like if he was working in a software company. Later, I even started thinking about what advantages he gets being a superman. Lot of things, silly and good came up to my mind immediately. I was pretty much sure that he would suffer the same fate all of us suffers.. No one can escape the things software does to us.. Here are some..

Looks:

• Superman will lose all his sleek looks and will develop a paunch.
• He will have no time to shave or sometimes even to take a shower.
• He will develop dark circles after countless sleepless nights he spent time on….. not fighting crime but fixing bugs.
• He will look like he badly needs a workout.
• He will have a sleepy look in his eyes
• He may even have signs of premature balding.

Costume:

• He wears a shirt coz he gotta obey his organization’s dress code.
• He always wears his ID-Card coz it is more powerful than all his super-powers.;-)
• He carries a laptop to attend support calls when he is out saving the world.
• His costume is now highly elastic to accommodate his daily developing belly.

Others:

• He can avoid all the early morning traffic as he can just fly to office.
• His salary structure does not have any conveyance allowance as his mode of transport does not need any allowance.
• His performance report will say, ‘Too much time spent on saving the world and not commitment to organizational goals’.
• He cannot go up the organizational ladder as he always stands by the truth.
• Once he comes into the office, he removes his cape and hangs it on his chair.. (I’ve seen lot of people do this.. jacket instead of cape)
• All the female employees and some male employees fear his x-ray vision. :-P
• He can’t give his office crush a ride home coz he doesn’t own a ride.

Guess i pretty much covered everything.. The sketch was done in a hurry so did some post-processing to make it look better(???!!), hope i din go overboard. 

Thanks for sitting through another of my posts. 

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I love the game which involves 22 people and a (smaller) ball.

   The FFIA world cup is underway. The teams are ready for the title clash. Euro champions Spain against a very impressive Dutch. This promises to be one of the most memorable finals, but what am I doing??? I’m following a little known T20 series against Pakistan and Australia in which Australia got royally humiliated 2-0. [No… It’s not 2 goals against none.. Pakistan won 2 matches and Aussies none.]. This is how much I love the stupid cricket game.

   I’m proud to be a cricket fan, an Indian and a cricket fan. Many people may deny but the truth is, ‘Cricket is in our blood’. It is game each and every one of us can connect with. Im sure cricket would be the first game anyone would ve stated following. No one would ve even remotely heard about ‘La Liga’, when they started cheering for every run Sachin scored. ‘World cup’ always means the ‘ICC world cup’ to us. Though the tag ‘premier league’ belongs to football, for most of us the first ‘league’ that comes into our mind is the 3 year old Indian Premier League (IPL).

   The reason for all this is, this is the only sport our countrymen play with consistent respectability. I don’t mean they play well but only with consistent respectability. It is always intuitive to support ‘Dhoni’s and ‘Sehwag’s rather than the irrelevant ‘Messi’s and ‘Rooney’s. It makes more sense to support RCB or CSK rather the alien MU or Chelsea.

  

   The sport itself is no shy of entertainment and excitement, the T20 just made it better. I enjoy every aspect of it. The way Dravid leans into his late-cut, the authority Pieterson shows during his ‘switch-hit’, the way Akthar made the whole stadium look at the bowler rather the batsman are few of the game’s x-factor. Add Sachin’s genius, Kallis’s all-round ability, Dhoni’s tactical nous, you get a game which serves the masala-film loving Indian public very well.

   Still there are few people who live in denial. They say cricket sucks as it is slow and boring. They are just people who don’t see the amount of work put into the game. Just watch the 2007 T20 World cup final between India and Pakistan, you will understand. 

 Be a cricket fan, and be proud of it. If you like foot ball better, no problem just don's say cricket is a boring game.